If Only He Knew
by HayleySB
Summary: Winter had fallen upon New York like a savage animal, beating and buffeting it with its harsh icy winds, smothering it with snow and ice. Despite the ferocity of winter's rage, New York remained functioning, its citizens continuing with routines and work, refusing to be hindered in the least. But, in the sewers four brothers were having a tough time with the weather. Bei


Winter had fallen upon New York like a savage animal, beating and buffeting it with its harsh icy winds, smothering it with snow and ice. Despite the ferocity of winter's rage, New York remained functioning, its citizens continuing with routines and work, refusing to be hindered in the least.

But, in the sewers four brothers were having a tough time with the weather. Being cold-blooded they took the cold weather hard, much harder than any human. They hardly ever went top-side unless they absolutely must. Things had died down with the Kraang, the Foot, and the Shredder so patrols weren't needed as much as they were before. They only hoped that the Shredder's attacks held off until the spring, when they weren't feeling sluggish and could fight back with the force they needed to survive and win.

It was not very warm in the lair. With so many tunnels in the sewers they could barely keep any heat inside the lair at all. Donnie had tried his best to rig up some sort of contraption that would help, but they only helped for so long before it got cold again. April had offered to buy a sort of heating system, but they'd refused. They needed to be a little less dependent on her... She'd done so much for them already. Sometimes they took her offers to go to her house where it was always warm, but many times they didn't feel like getting out into the cold to get there in the first place.

The entire week had been miserably icy, but this night was one of the coldest ones so far. The boys had all migrated to the living room, where it was the warmest, and huddled together in front of the TV, covered with countless heavy blankets that they'd acquired over the years.

Leo was the smart one, laying in front of the television, in reach of the buttons, and he'd also snagged the remote as well. If anyone wanted to turn the channel they'd have to hassle him for it.. Except for Master Splinter of course, he knew better than to disobey him. Everyone better be prepared for the Space Heroes marathons.

The four brothers were resting now. Mikey and Leo lay shell-to-shell, Mikey and Donnie facing one another, and Raph on the other side of Donnie. The red-clad turtle tended to keep as far away from Leo as possible. Leo did the same, but only because he definitely didn't want to anger his red-clad brother more than he had too, for the next time he might be the one to snap back.

The lair was cramped and everyone was on edge. Nobody really went outside, so they all shared the same space, a limited space. Arguments often broke out, especially between Raphael and Leonardo, ending with Raph beating up his practice dummy with as much ferocity as he could manage, most likely imagining it was Leo he was hitting. Mikey chose to voice his irritation in a complaining way, not causing any fights. Donnie would just retreat to his lab and fiddle with his experiments, trying to keep his mind off of how cramped it was, until it got too cold for him to stay in the room any longer.

Leo was still awake. Raph, Donnie, and Mikey had drifted off into slumber. No matter how tired he was or how much he wanted to sleep, Leo just couldn't. He was still wide awake. His stormy blue-grey eyes were glued to the TV screen although he really wasn't watching it, lost in thought.

A whimper from Mikey caught his attention, pulling him away from his world of thoughts. He must have been having a bad dream, or even a nightmare. His legs twitched he kept let out little whimpers of fear. Leo rolled over towards him, about to comfort him, but Donnie beat him to it. The purple-clad turtle let out a sleepy grunt, reaching out and grabbing his little bother, pulling him close. Mikey's whimpers ceased and he relaxed, slipping out of the nightmare and back into sleep.

Leo frowned slightly. Donnie and Mikey were close, always looking out for one another. Raph was a loner, he could take care of himself. So was Leo even needed here? What was his purpose? He knew his purpose. His purpose was to train and teach his brother. In the end he seemed to only make his brothers mad at him, quickly growing tired of his "lectures" and "perfectionist" traits.

The blue-clad turtle let out a soft sigh, rolling over and to his feet silently. He felt so cooped up here.. The lack of surface-time was just muddling up his thoughts, that was all. Of course the guys needed him! Right?  
He needed to get out of here for a little while. He'd be back before the sun rose. He walked across the lair silently, slipping into one of the rooms where they kept clothes. One would never know when they might need a disguise- or when they needed to bundle up to keep from turning into a turtle-scicle.

He slipped on a couple of layers of clothes, then topped it off with a puffy light-blue coat and some boots- which had been made to fit by April. It was definitely good to have a human friend to keep an eye out for what was going on to-side... and one who could sew at that! He had his suspicions as to whether April really made the boots or not. There was a chance she'd gotten a friend to do it, but he was sure that friend would've been confused at the size and shape of the boot she was supposed to create. How would April explain that one? "Oh, a few friends live in the sewers, have some feet deformities, and need some boots." or maybe "Oh, it's just a costume." Leo let out a small chuckle at the thought, though he still found it sad that he and his brothers would never be named or mentioned to others. It was like they didn't exist.

"I feel like a snow-turtle" Leo muttered to himself as he awkwardly walked out of the room, slipping out of the lair and into the sewer tunnels, unnoticed and not missed.

Within a matter of minutes he was top-side, sneaking out of manhole without being seen. He merged into the crowd on the sidewalk, blending in. With this amount of clothes on his shell was hidden. With his hood on the shadows it cast caused his face to be dark, unable to be seen unless one got very close. He crossed his arms, keeping his large three-fingered hands hidden. If anyone were to see the shape and size of his boots, they'd only think of it as a deformity or an injury of sorts. Human... He looked perfectly human. It was strange to see all of the humans, none giving a second glance, none running away in terror, none calling him a freak... Nothing. Nobody noticed him.

Leonardo slipped off into an alleyway by an apartment building, hearing the snow crunch beneath his feet. It wasn't an unpleasant sound, he rather liked it, only despising the cold that came with it. Snowflakes fell softly, adding into the piles of snow on the ground. Leo held out a hand, feeling the icy touch of the delicate flake as it fell into his hand. He brought it close to his face, studying it closely. It was a perfect flake. Too bad it was melting away.

He continued forwards through the ally before promptly finding a fire escape he made his way up it, then hopped onto the roof of the building when he reached the top.

Here he could see all. He could see Central Park in the distance and all the buildings and shops in between. The colorful city lights shone brightly, demanding to catch the eye. He could see the lights behind closed windows, where humans cuddled up with their families. A small smile slipped upon Leo's face. Here he felt at peace, nobody around, nobody to judge.

Leo sat down in the snow, not caring about the cold and wetness that came with it. He wouldn't be here long. This was his way of functioning during the winter. Every so often, when he felt that he needed to he would come here and sit down, looking out of the city. He'd think of all of his problems, trying to sort them out so he'd feel better.

Raph was a big problem.. He was headstrong, thought highly of her skills, and he was stubborn... He was disliked by some. But, didn't this sound familiar? Wasn't Leo the exact same way? He was headstrong, stubborn beyond belief, and thought highly of himself. He was a ninja, he'd trained for years and he had what it takes to be what he is.. To be a hero and save the world.. Or even just save one person at a time. Many disliked Leo for his demeanor and the way he ordered them around, although in all honesty he was doing what he thought best. He and Raph were so much alike... Maybe that was why they quarreled so much. At the thought of Raphael, all of his uncertainties came flowing back.

-Do they need me? the same old question arose once again, a new one quick to follow. -Do they love me? They all got so frustrated when he tried to teach or train them, or even just try to look out for them. Raphael would glare at him and put up a fuss that would end up in another argument. Donatello would just roll his eyes and shake his head. Michelangelo would just ignore him or tell him that he was absurdly "un-rad."

Raph would often mockingly call him "Fearless" or "Fearless Leader." Leo always DID seem fearless. He went into battle bravely, never showing a drop of fear. But, in all reality he wasn't fearless.. he was fearFUL. Fearful of losing his brothers. Fearful of being unloved by his brothers. Fearful of not being good enough a leader to them.

If only he knew... If only he knew there was nothing to be fearful of. His brothers were strong, they wouldn't lose. They loved him dearly, even the hot-headed Raphael, though he would never admit it.

If only he knew... the only one that he should fear...is himself.


End file.
